Janos Has the Ring!
by grisabele
Summary: Janos has the One Ring. Janos is now a powerhungry maniac. Can Raziel and Kain save him and are they willing to unstraitjacket the Author?
1. Default Chapter

**Janos has the Ring!**

**A/N: I was bored. Now you must all suffer. Read on if you dare. :P**

It was a calm, warm evening in Nosgoth. Kain was seated at his throne, absorbed in that evening's edition of _The Nosgothic Times. _In fact, he was reading the continuation of the front page story: **_Headless Woman Carjacks Cadillac! _**(Those thingsdon't happen that often, you know. Not even in Nosgoth.) Suddenly, Raziel burst in through the door.

"Kain!" he panted, "Something terrible has happened! Janos has the Ring!"

"That's nice," Kain said as he turned the page.

"Kain! Janos-has-the-Ring!"

"So?"

Raziel gaped at his father. Kain continued reading. It was a minute before Raziel could muster the nerve to speak again. "Kain! The Ring has turned Janos into a power-hungry maniac!"

"Good," Kain said pleasantly, "He's finally seen the light. He's finally stopped being so nice. That over-niceness of his was really starting to get on my nerves."

"...Don't you get it? He walked into the Lord of the Rings video game and stole the One Ring! He now has every intention of taking over Nosgoth!"

"That's a pity—wait, what did you say?" Kain set down the newspaper and stood. He turned to face his son. "What. Did. You. Say?"

"Uhhh....that Janos...wants to take over Nosgoth?" Raziel repeated

"We mustn't let that happen!!" 

Kain grabbed Raziel by the cape and dragged him out of the Sanctuary of the Clans. He had no idea how to get into the Lord of the Rings video game, but if Janos could do it, then by God, so could he!

Meanwhile, in Janos' spiffy new castle, Janos was trying to stuff the Author (insert trumpet fanfare and lightning strikes here) into a straitjacket. The Author (fanfare, lightning strike), however, refused to go.

"I'm the Author! You can't make me do this!"

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. I have Super Author Powerz! I can turn you into a scary little girl with a Flock of Seagulls haircut!"

"This brings us to an interesting point...you see, this straitjacket neutralizes your powers, rendering you absolutely helpless." 

The Author (yeah, you know the drill) then fell into such a state of shock that it was easy for Janos to straitjacket her and throw her in a dungeon cell.

"Yeah," Janos laughed, "From now on, this story's going _my _way!"

And all the Author could do was try to chew through the straps.

**A/N (again!): It's not my best story. But I'm still going to continue! :P**


	2. The Continuation!

**The Continuation!**

It was a dark, dark stormy night. Janos had taken the Author out of her straitjacket and dragged her to a computer. He plunked her down in the totally k-rad swivel chair and held a sharp and pointy object to her throat.

"Now then," he cooed, "Get writing."

"Fuck you."

"Do you _want _to be straitjacketed again?"

The Author rolled her eyes and started typing. As she finished typing the words _The Author suddenly transformed Janos into a victim of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with a Flock of Seagulls haircut,_ there was a loud crash, and sure enough, Janos was exactly what the Author typed in.

"You little wench! Fix me or you'll be sorry."

"No!"

Janos stabbed her in the arm with the sharp and pointy object. The Author screamed bloody murder. "I SAID FIX MEEEEEE!" Janos ordered.

"Fine! Fine! I'll fix you! I'll fix you! Just don't stab me again!" the Author shrieked as she began a new sentence. She typed in _The Author suddenly returned Janos_ _to his normal state,_ and, with another crash, Janos was back to normal. Well, as normal as anyone under the Ring's influence can be.

"Good. Now, write exactly what I tell you to write."

Meanwhile, Kain and Raziel had found the Gate to Other Games, and they were staring most apprehensively at it.

"So, uh, is this how we get to Lord of the Rings?" Raziel asked his father.

"Yup."

"Let's go!"

"Wait, Raziel," Kain said, "We can't just barge in there! We could land in Pokemon or something!"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."

Kain nodded. "You go on ahead. I'll follow."

"But what if I land in the Barbie video game?"

"Kill her!" Kain laughed as he pushed his son through the gate...but, at the last moment, Raziel grabbed Kain's ankle and they both fell into the unknown...

"No! I'm not writing that!" the Author snapped.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not!"

"Write." Janos ordered.

"Fine." The Author snapped.

"And stop referring to yourself as The Author. From now on, you shall refer to yourself by your pen name."

"No," snapped the Author.

"Do you _like _being in that straitjacket or something?"

"Fine."

And from then on, the Author was known as Griz.

There was a loud crash as Kain and Raziel landed on what was remarkably similar to a metal ship's deck.

"Ow," Raziel muttered as he took in his surroundings. All he noticed was the blue sky above him..."Kain, did we land in _Pirates of the Carribiean_?"

"I don't think so. I don't even think Pirates of the Carribean has its own video game."

"What kind of movie is _that_?" Raziel asked as he looked over the side...into even more blue sky!

"Holy God! We're in an _AIR_ship!"

Kain paled. Not that anyone would notice.

"Uh...Raziel...I have something to tell you..."

"Are you afraid of heights? It's okay, your secret's safe with me!"

"No, you moron!" Kain snapped, taking hold of Raziel's shoulders, "I get airsick!"

Raziel jumped back ten feet from his sire. "For God's sake, be airsick in the opposite direction!"

"I told you to write exactly what I said, Griz."

"And I said no," Griz snapped back.

"Write it."

"Can I change it somehow?"

"...Fine."

Griz smirked and typed in the words: "_Griz magically transformed herself into a burly seven-foot-tall clone of Vanilla Ice and beat Janos to a bloody pulp!". _And lo, it occurred. Almost. Griz did indeed transform into a burly seven-foot-tall clone of Vanilla Ice...but Janos saw exactly what she had written and prepared for it.

"DIE!" screamed Vanilla-Ice-Griz as she (he?) swung at him with her (his?) big giant fist. Janos jumped out of the way and started ordering his minions (For all evil masterminds must have lackeys) to get the straitjacket.

"Minions! Get the straitjacket!"

"But Master, she'll kill us!"

"That is of no consequence!" Janos snapped, "As soon as the straitjacket touches her, her powers will be neutralized and she'll go back to her usual self. And then you can just jacket her and everyting will be fine!"

Of course, Griz ran. At least, as fast as a seven-foot-tall clone of Vanilla Ice can run. She leapt over Janos, and his minions, and was so close to the door...

But at the last moment, Janos threw the straitjacket at her....


	3. The Continuation Continues!

_But at the last moment, Janos threw the straitjacket at her..._

And Griz shrunk back down to her short little self and was easily subdued by Janos' minions.

"Throw her in the deepest, blackest, darkest dungeon!" Janos ordered.

"You mean the one that's speckled and splattered and hatched and crosshatched with shadows?" Minion Number 42 inquired. He was a ridiculously attractive fellow with long black hair, blue eyes, and musical talent, _and _a genius I/Q. But that isn't important to the story, so we're going to pretend that Minion Number 42 was one of those random sexy boys with less brains than those morons who stay where the killer is in horror movies that pop up in stories like this. But, anyways, he grabbed poor Grizzy and threw her in the dungeon that was speckled and spotted and dotted and hatched and crosshatched with shadows. To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling, "Say that three times fast and you will see how very shadowy the dungeon must have been."

Just as Minion Number 42 turned to leave, Griz said in a quiet, whimpering voice, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what? All I did was straitjacket you and roll you down 200 million jillion stairs and lock you in this scary dungeon that will terrify you beacuse it's haunted and you play Fatal Frame too much."

"It's haunted?" Griz gasped, paling.

"Yup," Minion Number 42 confirmed. He turned back around to open the door...and found that it was closed. "That's weird. I left it open on account of you're straitjacketed."

He tried to pull the door open, and found that it wouldn't open. "See, I told you," he joked. Suddenly, a bloody, mangled ghost burst through the door and passed through Minion Number 42! He collapsed, recovered, and tried to jump into Griz's arms. Which was difficult, because, you know, Griz was straitjacketed.

"So, uh, Kain, are we in Final Fantasy 99 million and a half?" Raziel asked, with a half hearted chuckle.

"No, you idiot. The airship architecture is all wrong for this to be a Final Fantasy Airship."

"So, uh, what game _are _we in, then, Kain?"

"Hell if I know."

The pair walked down the deck until they reached what looked suspiciously like the cockpit.

"Think we should go in, Kain?"

"How else are we going to know where we are, you numbskull?"

Raziel shrugged. Kain had a point.

Kain kicked down the cockpit door and walked into the airship...only to find himself under attack by a young man with tousled brown hair and a transparent blue plastic eyepatch, another young man with blonde hair who looked like some kind of royalty, a young woman in yellow who looked a bit like a scarecrow, and another young woman in white with flowing blonde hair and a veil. She was accompanied by a rather hostile little...thing...

"Who are you?" Transparent-Eyepatch-Boy inquired.

"And why are you attacking my airship?" Princely-Boy added.

"Look," Kain said calmly, "All I want to know is where I am...tell me that and I may spare you..."

"You won't have the chance to hurt anyone!" snapped Red-Haired-Scarecrow-Girl. She swung a rather large, dangerous looking boomerang at Kain, but Eyepatch Boy stopped her. "Wait, Aika. He's confused, and big, and scary, and he has sharp teeth. Maybe...we'd better listen to him."

"Oh, fine," Aika the Scarecrow Girl groaned.

At that point, Raziel jumped in and tackled the Princely-Boy. "I'll save you Kain!"

"No, you won't, you idiot. Get up."

"So we're in Skies of Arcadia," Kain mused some time later, in the ship's dining room.

"Wait, what?" asked Eyepatch-Boy, whose name was Vyse.

"Nothing," Kain said with a wave of his hand, "If we told you, we'd change destiny."

"What he means," Raziel said cheerfully, "is that we came from another video game series because _Janos, _who happens to be from our game, accidentally ended up in the Lord of the Rings game series, and he took the One Ring, and now he's a power hungry evil bastard like Kain, and Kain is pissed about it, so we're going into the Lord of the Rings video game to try and find him. And give the Ring back to whoever it belongs to. And save Griz, the Author, because if we don't the rest of her Flirting with Vampires fanfiction won't ever get written...not that _that's _a bad thing, mind."

Kain punched Raziel squarely in the nose.

"You _idiot. _You just blew our cover."

"Is he telling the truth," Vyse said with some surprise.

"If I told you that, I'd have to kill you."

"Can you tell Drachma, then?" Vyse joked. Kain looked around the dining room.

"Which one is Drachma?"

"The one with the metal—you're not serious, are you?"

Minion Number 42 cowered and squeezed poor Griz so tightly she felt like she was going to choke to death.

"Hey, dude, lemme go. The ghost is gone."

"Doesn't mean it won't come back." Minion Number 42 whimpered, resting his head on Griz's chest.

"Well, get up and see if you can open the door," Griz muttered testily.

"Nuh-uh. The ghost might come back, and besides, your bosom makes a good pillow."

Griz vowed to kill him in the most creative, slow, painful way she could think of...

Once she was unstraitjacketed, of course.


End file.
